The Good Daughter Syndrome: Help For Empathic Daughters of Narcissistic, Borderline, or Difficult Mothers Trapped in the Role of the Good Daughter

I can’t sing enough praise for this book! It’s incredible. It has solved a lifetime of mysteries for me and given me the tools to make changes. I dearly love my Mom. Did everything I could hoping she’d be okay and happy. For decades. I got worn down. Finally plucked up some courage and did some boundaries. Those didn’t go over well and after two years she unloaded big time. As I was dusting myself off, I found Katherine Fabrizio’s book. She explains how this all comes to be and does it in a respectful compassionate manner. She leads you to accepting that you can’t fix Mom, you can only change yourself. Then she gives you all the tools you need to do that – they’re all there. You just have to use them and keep practicing. Also, I appreciated how the book focuses on common behavioral traits, so it doesn’t matter if you don’t know whether it’s borderline or narcissism or whatever. Last but not least, she injects just the right amount of humor. You feel she's a friend, she gets you, and has help for you. I am so grateful that she shared her experience, knowledge and wisdom. After the kindle version I ordered paperbacks to share. Her course and her website were beneficial too.

This book has provided me a much clearer understanding of the root of the negative confusing behavior of my mother. Additionally if you take the quiz and submit it, Kathryn sends a daily response to the questions you answered with explanations. It has allowed me to know I am not alone and there is hope for healing. I highly recommend her book.

I wish I had had this book thirty years ago! It is transformative, freeing, life- and mindset-changing. Katherine brought to light and verbalized many of my unspoken thoughts and experiences and revealed and explained to me what I never understood about them. She enabled me for the first time to experience freedom while still respecting and loving my mother, not stirring up animosity toward her, but rather compassion and understanding. Beautifully done! When I went to a counselor years ago, she told me to read the book Boundaries twice and do the workbook. I did. And still, I found myself unable to really confidently set and keep them. Katherine revealed the core problem and shed light on what I never saw, which finally dismantled my inability. I feel set free. This is what I’ve needed someone to help me understand for decades. So, so, so many things in the book resonated with me. I needed someone to do what Katherine did - describe what was not normal and healthy and what ways my response wasn’t healthy for me either. I’ve spent decades making sure everyone in my life is ok. I am so thankful to God for this book that has transformed my thinking, given me permission to be my authentic self, affirmed that is ok, and given me strength to realize mom is responsible for herself, and I am responsible for me. And submission and enmeshment, betraying myself to protect her need for superiority, relevance, reassurance, and recognition isn’t right or healthy for either of us. Love in truth and honesty about us both - which I didn’t even understand before. The insights and helps this book gives are unparalleled by other resources that say set boundaries, be yourself, etc., but don’t enable their practice by addressing and untangling WHY we struggle to do that in the first place. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this!

This book has potential to help others, however, the author leads with the presumption that the narcissistic mother’s root issue is trauma. That is not always the case. For some it is genetic dispositions or the opposite issue… having parents who aren’t abusive, but overly doting. This book presumes the issue springs from trauma alone. For my situation, I had to really get the meat from the bones, and while it was still helpful, there are many moments where the author presumes how the audience is feeling. Situations are not cookie-cutter and I found it harder to apply. Still worth a read, but if your mother’s issues aren’t caused solely by trauma and come from genetic issues or had overly-doting parents that never told their child “no” and excused them from any sort of normal life hardship…. (That’s my family history situation)…. This book may cause some confusion in the healing process.

The first half of the book is extremely validating. I found my mom to be most of the things mentioned and my responses and relationship with her to also be near exactly what this author described. These moms are unreasonable though, and no matter how many reasonable tools you approach them with, the relationship dynamic will never change. The second half of the book is a mix of helpful ways to handle your mom, and deep personal introspection for inner change. I’ll take the latter, because many of these moms are beyond working with and using scripts or tools with. I’m not sure why any tools were mentioned to make things better with mom. It’s a moot point when it comes to these moms. You can’t use reason with unreasonable people. If your mom is on the higher end of narcissism and borderline, there’s no hope. Take care of yourself. Nevertheless, the author tries to throw cliche fixes at us. No over-explaining yourself to your mom. Here’s what to say, positive affirmations- all of that is pointless. However, there’s some great inner exercises worth doing. Bottom line is you’re looking at a relationship never to be repaired or healthy or slightly satisfying and you just need one tool for that. Grieve it. My mom passed last year and all the self work I’ve done for ten years could not compare to the relief I felt with her gone. The book was great at validating what I could not name, because the author explains these as unconscious/subconscious traps and mechanisms. Awareness is helpful. Keep improving yourself but don’t do it for mom or even in order to deal with mom. Do you! And limit or extinguish your time with her.

This book is a gem. Compassionate, validating and illuminating. It shows so clearly how a mother's trauma 'is passed down the maternal line, along with her recipe for potato salad.' Dear Katherine, thank you for sharing your hard-won wisdom and courage with the world. And for illuminating the path forward. There is no need to marinate in guilt, shame and self-doubt any longer.

Found this book at 62 yrs old and my life is changed for ever… and for the better! Resonated with me in a way I cannot describe, if only I had read it years ago I could have had peace and closure earlier. Recommend it to any ‘good daughters’ you know, I have, it can change lives! Thank you for writing this amazing book! ❤️

Thank you so much dear Katherine! The Good Daughter Syndrome really helped me understand the root of the behaviour, how the relationship with my mom and grandmothers has impacted me in other areas of my life and how I can change it and heal from it. I'm excited to start my new life!

Amazing book. Empowering women and good daughters. Now I know what I went trough the last 3 years with my mom and family was completely normal and necessary so I can finally have my life, a better life and be stronger. I have no regrets, I will never go back with the old agreements, I feel so much happier now, and less drama in my life. I finally see my mom with her struggles, she no longer have that power over me, I decide when I want to interact with her. I don’t feel guilt anymore and this is liberating! After 3 years of soul searching and with the courses and book from Kathrine, I can finally move on with my life and accept myself! Thank you Katherine, I was able finally to found the last piece of the puzzle and go on with my life!

This incredible book should come with a trigger warning. Although I've done decades of extremely deep inner work on myself, including clearing projections that were stuck in the physical body, making me sick (see Bessel van der Kolk's book, The Body Keeps the Score), and reading many books on toxic and narcissistic parents (both of mine were), I'm still having to take it slowly, because, just sometimes, I find it difficult to breathe, and I need a break. I haven't finished the book, and I'll come back and edit my review when I have, but I just wanted to say, if you're finding it pushes your buttons, please don't give up. The road to true freedom isn't easy –the only way through is THROUGH. And that means feeling all the feelings –allowing ourselves to really feel for OURSELVES. And then, when we've gone through all the darkness that comes up (which isn't even ours), allowing our light to shine, because we no longer need to hide it under a bushel, afraid that our light will offend our fragile mothers...