Your Competent Child: Toward A New Paradigm In Parenting And Education

I have the earlier edition and it is the best book I have read on parenting. It quickly reveals the false choice most people assume we have as parents as either permissive or authoritarian and shows a 3rd way based on respect. It is so obvious and simple but, with legacy habits in our heads from our own childhoods, can be hard to get used to. But it is so worth it when you see the effect on your kids as they bounce forward in their own self-confidence and self-autonomy. If you only read one book on being a parent, I recommend this.

There are so many books circulating about parenting though actually you don't really need them. I can only highly recommend this book as its message is so refreshing and common sense and and also simple: what parents and children need is respect and warmth for each other.Listen to children and take them seriously as little personalities is the key for a happy child and happy parents. Jeper Juul draws a brilliant and very useful picture between past and present of educational approaches which are easy to understand and convincing. I can also highly recommend his other books!

Reading this book really answers to lot of questions and uncertainties for the parents of the 21 century. I really liked the idea of reversed education, I 've felt many times that kids are so intuitional about the parents' struggles. I think I will listen more and will try to forget some of the conventions I've been used to and experiment more!

The book every parent needs to read

Interesting book that reveals a lot about a certain approach towards parenting. However, most of the examples are from extreme situation with violent behaviors from parents or difficult history (incest...). Moreover the author as built up his theories in reaction to parenting traditions inherited from the 1960's or before. So I think it is useful to learn from his approach but balance it with other contemporary authors.

product arrived as described. it was a quick delivery.

This is the only Jesper Juul book I can find in English and I am so impressed. I wish some of his other books were available in English (The Competent Family). Its changed the way I think about the "parent child relationship" and has stopped me being so 'controlling' of my children. Yet the paradox is I have more of a leadership role within the family. Overall its an incredibly positive book and really helpful with teenagers. However, it is very challenging because its really about changing a very well established parenting paradigm (i.e. parent as authoritarian) and aims to make our relationships with our children more authentic; more rewarding; more equal. This will be very much more difficult for parents who dont want to lose the short term advantages of 'power-over' their children. I found lots of evidence (via the websites in other European countries called Familylab) for the approach and lots of examples of families using the approach. I believe it provides a robust parenting model for the future. The philosophy in this book ties in well with those I have read from the school of Non-Violent Communication (NVC) such as Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids by Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson (suitable for younger children). However, Jesper Juul goes further than "needs" and explains how to express your "wants" and how to use personal language in family life. If you are willing to put aside old parenting models and want to learn a liberating long-term way of relating to your children that will build self esteem and competence, I highly recommend this book.

The spelling and editing is an absolute disgrace. It distracts from a rather interesting perspective. It is incomprehensible how such a poorly produced book is being sold.

I really love everything about it. Never regretted to have bought it!!

This book's outstanding feature is its ability to to articulate many important reflections about interpersonal relationships and dynamics within the family, while keeping a practical, down-to-earth approach. A book about parenthood that also everyone who has been a child can read with profit.

Great book attempting a paradigm change in raising children. If you feel that, despite your efforts, there's still something left for you to do as a parent, this is the book you should get. A good reading at any (parent) age, it's never too late to change your attitude towards your child.

(¤Thank you for reading this review and your votes - either way!¤) it seems that this 2011 edition is just a revised edition of the 2001 printing (2000 translation from danish), with the same content structure. The publishers also changed, from "Farrar, Straus and Giroux" to current "Balboa Press." 2001 printing had 260 pages, current 2011 printing 236 pages, due to a shorter introduction. INTRO: Okay, I am barely a new parent (expecting our first child) and have not read many books in this genre (child development and upbringing). I have seen this book on a local community college bookstore shelves but the subtitle "Toward New Basic Values for the Family" sent the wrong message to a conservative like me. (In the new 2011 printing, the subtitle is changed to "Toward a new paradigm in parenting and education"). The amount of wisdom, introspective reflection the reader has to do, and examples provided compell me to give this a 5 star and to write the review title given. Here in Denmark, I have even met Danes that read the book no less than five times (due to content being so rich and thought-provoking). AUTHOR: "Jesper Juul, born in Denmark in 1948, is a family therapist. He is the director of the Kempler Institute of Scandinavia, a center for family therapy, and Family Counseling International in Croatia." What I liked about Jesper is that he has a lot of experience with families from different continents and cultures, and is also humble enough to recognize that he had also made mistakes while raising his son. CONTENT: From the Introduction, Jesper Juul sounds like a good friend with a mild tone that wants to challenge our way of thinking about raising children. The author is proposing that parents and families adopt a Scandinavian system to raising kids, a 3rd way between the old-fashioned authoritarian model and the modern democratic model. The Chapters are as follows (with specific quotes): INTRODUCTION Chapter 1. FAMILY VALUES Chapter 2. CHILDREN COOPERATE! Chapter 3. SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-CONFIDENCE A great chapter on the difference between these 2 concepts and which is healthy and which is not, and how to understand them thru ample examples. Chapter 4. RESPONSIBILITY, BEING RESPONSIBLE, AND POWER This 3rd way of raising kids, means "to create relationships within the family that are based on treating one another with equal dignity, relationships that inhance everyone's integrity and self-esteem, and promote reciprocal good feelings". The most valuable information I took from this book was that "these concepts - integrity, self-esteem, and responsibility - are inseperable" and "respecting children's self-esteem and personal responsibility". "Children know what they want, but sometimes they do not know what they need". Chapter 5. CHILDREN'S SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY Chapter 6. LIMITS "The belief that there is one 'right' way of raising children. There is none. What does exist is a mutual learning process based on who you are as a parent and who your child is. Parents need to learn to be as true to themselves as posible, and as direct and personal in their expression as they can be. By doing so, they will learn about the true nature and personality of each child, and thanks to the child's competent feedback, parents will be able to fine-tune their reactions to the child. ... The real question is 'What is good for my relationship with my child ?' That is, what makes both of us - and the relationship between us - develop in a healthy way ?" "To create families in which all members thrive and develop in healthy ways, the focus needs to be on dialogue, not on 'permission'". Chapter 7. FAMILIES WITH TEENAGERS "The way in which the family decision-making process unfolds is more important than the actual decisions that are reached. It is better to take plenty of time to reach decisions than to forge hurried compromises in order to establish domestic peace. Also it is better to ensure that both parties are taken seriously than to cut off discussion by proposing a 'fair' solution". Chapter 8. PARENTS CONCLUSION: While the English translation is sometimes forceful (my Danish wife owns the original edition of "Det kompetente barn" but I am not at a level good enough to read and understand Danish yet), a) the amount of FOOD FOR THOUGHT, b) excellent relevant life EXAMPLES, and c) open-minded nonsense no-cookie-cutter approach makes this book a TOP REFERENCE in our family library, and will be read a couple more times throught the next decade. (¤Thank you for reading this review and your votes - either way!¤)

I know my title is a cliche but it really sums up what i think about this book. It is not your usual " manual" with tricks on how to make your children behave. It is not an easy read and it does not offer simple,quick solutions. It offers an insight into child's needs, wants and consequentially some patterns of behavior. It offers some advice but does not claim that one method in particular is the only correct one. It is up to you to analyze your relationship with your child, your wishes of how a family should look like and to chose what is the best for you and your child. I think this is the only right approach because how can there be a simple solution for something as complicated as family dynamics? How can there be one method for raising different children, in different circumstances? At the end the whole point is to understand each other, to find a way to communicate and to create a healthy and positive surrounding for your family. I am a mother of two boys (2 and 4) and though they are easygoing, well adjusted children with which I had no major problems I still felt that I do not understand some things and that I am doing something wrong. This book has helped me tremendously in understanding my children. I have succeeded in overcoming some difficulties that used to make me go crazy and feel like a failed parent at times. It has not simply solved all the situations I have to deal with as a parent but it has made me drastically change my view of parenthood and what my relationship with my children is supposed to look like. I treat my children with more respect now and I find easier solutions for our conflicts. Even when I do not find solutions my understanding of my children's reactions and behavior is better. Read it. Slowly, carefully. If you do not understand it read it again. Go back to it from time to time when you recognize a situation that at the moment you were reading it did not seem relatable to you. This book has been of enormous importance for my family and I believe it should be on the reading list of any parent or parent to be.