Heavier Than Heaven: A Biography of Kurt Cobain Paperback – April 2, 2019

This book paints the gruesome reality of the life that Kurt led, and unveils a side of him that many never got to get a glimpse at.It is the story of a man who felt constantly rejected and abandoned ever since an early age, whose only dream was to become a rock star to escape from his problem-filled life. Once out of high school, there was only one job he could find in the entire town; a janitorial position at his old high school! It seemed that this kind of fate kept occurring over and over again throughout the course of his life.After several years performing in his band with no success, he was homeless and already more than casual heroin user. He suffered from an extremely painful stomach ailment that started at the age of ten, only a few years after his parents had divorced. Until the day he died doctors had no idea what it was, but many believed that its origin was stress-related, especially because Kurt said the only time it came around was during very stress-filled situations. Because doctors didn't know what it was, and didn't realize how much pain he was in on a weekly basis, he self-medicated himself with heroin. He recalled the idea as stupid, but he said it was the only thing in the world that could rid him of the pain. He said that sometimes his mysterious stomach ailment could keep him bedridden for days on end, and it only got worse with fame. Not only because he had the money to become a full-blown addict, but because he had to meet and fulfill the pressures and expectations of fame.When Nevermind was released in 1991, their biggest album and the album that would put the nail in the coffin of '80s hair bands and open the door for the grunge era, he was living in his car. Even when the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video skyrocketed to #1 in a matter of weeks, he was still homeless, an addict, and scraping for every penny he could get.But the song got so much attention on MTV and radio stations worldwide that within 6 weeks Kurt and the rest of Nirvana went from homeless to virtual millionaires! The problem was that Kurt had not prepared for this kind of attention, who could?! Eventually Kurt was a deer in headlights, he really didn't know what he wanted. Fame and fortune look great when you're poor, but once you have it most people find that it just adds more pressure and stress.Truman Capote once said, "There are more tears shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones."Kurt's life is an excellent example. He would complain to his friends and to the media that Nirvana's songs were getting way too much airplay and attention, but then again he religiously wrote MTV and radio stations to complain that they didn't get enough airplay. He was livid that his privacy was being invaded by the media and his fans, yet he would rarely ever deny the media an interview or a fan an autograph.He was so confused because his whole life had revolved around his ultimate ambition to become the greatest rock star ever, only to find out that once he had obtained it, his problems didn't go away. Writing music was a distraction mechanism for him; he used it to get away from his problems so he wouldn't have to deal with them or even think of them, even if for just a few minutes. His life in the music industry made him unable to feel comfortable as a human being, because he perceived his life as being the ultimate contradiction. All he wanted to do was make music from his heart that could help people just like him, only to discover that the industry would not allow him to do this. He couldn't stand how the industry could be so grimy and shady, and realized that once someone's in it, it becomes a part of you no matter how hard you try. Some people will go to any means for money and don't care what they have to do, some are able to simply turn their heads and ignore the hideousness, but Kurt couldn't. It absorbed him and put a ton of weight on his heart. The more his career progressed, the more of a fake he felt he had become.The ultimate evidence of this being the case was not too far into his short-lived career when Kurt realized that all anyone wanted to hear at concerts was "Smells Like Teen Spirit". After awhile, he noticed that the first few rows of his shows went from hardcore punk rockers to jocks and cheerleaders. He once told a journalist that he did not want them to listen to his music, that not only did he insist they NOT purchase his albums, but that he had SPECIFICALLY made the albums because of people like them.It wasn't too long after when Kurt refused to play the song live ever again.It was one of his biggest moments of clarity for him once he had finally "succeeded". He realized that the band to many was considered more pop than rock, and he wanted to play to HIS people. The jocks, cheerleaders, and popular kids in school had always made him feel like an outcast, and now here they were worshiping him. It just didn't sit with him well, he was so sensitive, and more importantly he was too honest with himself; he couldn't pretend. He had to stay true to HIMSELF- and as long as the hypocrisy and never-ending dark sides of the entertainment industry continued to exist, he couldn't.For anyone that is a hardcore Nirvana/Kurt Cobain fan, you might not learn too much, but it is still an amazing read.For those of you who don't know everything there is to know about Kurt, look no further: this is the book for you.R.I.P. Kurt Cobain1967-1994

From the beginning, the flow of the text was enjoyable and Cross' description of Kurt was dead on. Cross also summed up Generation X's love affair with Cobain in saying that it was a relationship that was "destined from the start to break our hearts." He referred to Cobain as a "complimentary contradictory misanthrope." I have never heard the anomaly of Cobain described in such an accurate way. It's hard to describe someone that refuses to be described (like nailing jello to a wall) but Cross has definitely fleshed him out.The first chapter presents a thorough glimpse of Cobain's early life as you learn of the family dynamic he grew up in. I am a family counselor so these important developmental years are particularly interesting to me. The subsequent chapters continue with Kurt's teen years and you see his downward spiral from a jubilant child to a withdrawn pothead. Much of what would be his adult personality begins here. Kurt's psychological pattern of someone who is abandoned by his family and the behavior that would follow is laid out succinctly by Cross. Kurt's pattern of family life was intimacy, conflict, banishment and then isolation. This information is both tragic and insightful.While Kurt's life wasn't easy, he would exaggerate his experiences for no other reason than it made a good story; this showed the writer and performer in Kurt. Cross, through his investigations, discovers the truth behind Kurt's stories. His first concert, how he got his first guitar, and the infamous Young Street Bridge story where Kurt said he lived for a time. Novoselic said no one could have lived under that bridge, especially someone who was as big a whiner as Kurt.Cross continues with the early days of the band before they were Nirvana and describes the shows in great detail. Through these days you understand Kurt's suicidal, tormented spirit as Cross shows him to be a mixture of self-destruction and self-preservation.Cross said Kurt learned early on that punk rock, which was billed as a liberating genre of music, came with its own social guidelines which were often more constricting than the ideals they were supposedly rebelling against. "There was a dress code" for the anti-dress code scene. Never have I heard a truer definition of the punk/alternative sub-culture of the early 90s. Kurt wanted people to think he didn't care about being famous but really he did which means he was a part of the very corporate system that he loathed. The truth is, he wanted to be famous so he did what it took even if it meant selling out to his demographic. Yet another example of Kurt's irony. As rebelious as Jim Morrison but as much a showman as Steve Tyler.After Kurt meets Courtney, the books is pretty much a wash as the obvious occurs and what went on with the Cobain's was by this time all over the news. However, we learn much more than what was in the tabloids since Cross' level of interviewing goes very deep. With all that was going on, you wonder how they ever made more albums after Nevermind but they did and I enjoyed the stories behind these.Cross said he wanted to write the book without judgement, which I appreciate, but he also does not minimize the train wreck of a life Kurt led. I have read other works about Nirvana and they are touted almost as gods. Cross' book is more objectively level-headed and presents the facts, opinions, and mysteries very well.