The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life

This is an extremely useful, interesting, and powerful book... It exposes the real truths and root causes of common types of anger... It may also teach you a lot about big mistakes you have been making in the way you think and communicate! I absolutely love this book. In my opinion, it should be compulsory reading for every student in primary school and high school. If more people genuinely understood and applied the principles in this book, a huge percentage of the world’s interpersonal problems would disappear. I mean that seriously. If people lived by the ideas explained here, countless arguments, misunderstandings, resentments, and relationship breakdowns could be prevented before they even began. When I find an audiobook that is truly valuable, I usually listen to it two or three times. This is now my third time through this one, and I plan to listen to it at least two more times until I have most of it memorized. The reason is simple. This book explains, with unusual clarity, the root causes and hidden motives behind common forms of anger, which is one of the main emotions most people are terrible at understanding, processing, controlling, and expressing in a healthy way. The authors also use many real-life examples and case studies to illustrate their points. This is probably the single best book I have come across for explaining the deeper causes of NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, along with far better ways of thinking, interpreting behavior, and communicating in ways that strengthen relationships instead of damaging them. One of the great strengths of this book is how clearly it explains that anger usually appears in three main forms. Sometimes it is suppressed, buried under the surface, never openly spoken about, while pressure keeps building internally like a sealed pressure cooker. Sometimes it is overt, expressed openly through aggression, yelling, screaming, intimidation, or even physical violence. And sometimes it is covert, disguised as passive-aggression, where anger leaks out indirectly through withdrawal, lack of cooperation, silent treatment, subtle sabotage, repeated avoidance, neglect, or convenient “forgetting.” What makes this book so powerful is that it does not just describe these patterns. It helps you understand what is driving them underneath the surface. It teaches you how to look at events differently, how to respond to frustration in healthier ways, and how to make wiser choices instead of reacting blindly. With better thinking patterns and more constructive attitudes, much of the destruction caused by anger can be prevented, and both relationships and long-term mental health can improve dramatically. If you want to understand the root causes of most relationship problems, study this book or listen to the audiobook. It is one of the most practical and powerful resources I have ever encountered. It can genuinely change your life, solve many of your biggest people problems, and even expose some unhealthy attitudes you may not realize you have. The authors have done an outstanding job of making an extremely complicated subject feel understandable, practical, and solvable. They have taken the confusing problems of outward anger and inward, repressed anger, and explained them in a way that is both insightful and useful. I cannot thank them enough for producing something this valuable. I really cannot overstate how much I love this book. It is, without question, the best self-help book in my entire collection. After that, I would place "Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion" and "Crucial Conversations" close behind it. In my view, these three books together can solve a massive number of attitude, communication, and relationship problems in life. I would strongly recommend them not only for adults, but for children as well, because the lessons in these books are the kind of wisdom people need as early as possible. Study all these books and you will be able to avoid much unnecessary emotional suffering caused by others or yourself !!

First I should establish that I'm not much of a reader and I've never read a self-help book before. So it's really saying something that I finished this book in two days. Not only was it exactly the book I needed at this moment, it was written with exactly the approach I needed to read. For more than twenty years there's been a clear pattern in my relationships, a pattern where my insecurities and unresolved issues set the stage for childish and destructive expressions of anger. There were plenty of times when I had legitimate reasons to be frustrated, but as Dr. Les Carter rightly points out, the legitimacy of your viewpoint is sabotaged the very instant you resort to aggression. It goes beyond sabotaging your viewpoint, actually. If you don't train yourself to choose constructive assertiveness over destructive aggression, you'll sabotage your reputation, your relationships, your career, your chance at inner peace. It's been obvious to me that I needed to change, but I had no idea if such change was possible or if I was just "wired this way." This book has convinced me that the journey is indeed possible. Is the book a quick fix? No. It's a well-articulated outline of key distinctions, goals, and testimonials that will serve as a blueprint for growth -- if you'll allow it to be. As for me, I'm committed to absorbing and implementing its content for the rest of my days. I'll know it helped change my trajectory when I've successfully established the healthier habits described within. Like not letting emotional impulses overpower my brain. Like ditching narcissistic and controlling behavior. Like preserving the dignity of those I interact with, even those who frustrate me the most. You'll find that the book doesn't sugar-coat things or trivialize the destructive impact of anger, yet it's not written in a way that scolds you from cover to cover. There's plenty of room for optimism amidst the brutal honesty, something I really appreciated as I finished the last chapter. For the first time in my life, I have a sense of hope that I'll conquer the expressions of anger that have sabotaged me all these years.

This book deals not only with self anger and inappropriately using it toward others, but illustrates as well how to deal with people who initiate the anger toward you. Of the latter, there are two possibilities, (i) people whose anger can be disarmed through patience and by not reflecting a second anger back to them and (ii) people who cannot be disarmed, they are too upset and angry to be disarmed no matter how mollifying you may be (i.e. someone drunk and belligerent). Thus it covers both possible directions of anger, your own and other's anger. One can read a book and wonder what benefit is actually accruing to your subconscious as you go along. About 2/3 ''s of the way through the book, I was confronted by a person, spoiling for an argument (happily, because it tested me). One indelicate word in response from myself would have put it over the top for this person. While I did not feel especially provoked, my attitude before reading the book may well have been to put in a contrary word or two, to partially balance the scale, possibly to show I wasn't about to be pushed around. Happily taking the book to heart, I was sensitive to the reality this person was upset and by responding in a non inflammatory way, something that could have escalated in silly ways, was defused. The book addresses why this is a superior and thoughtful method. It is easy to read a book and months later forget the lessons taught. That would not be the author's fault, so I made bookmarks for future reference. The book covers about every imaginable variation on the subject of anger. As well it is a reasonably engaging book to read.

If you have an anger problem I would highly recommend this book. I would not recommend the book as an answer to all anger problems. Please if you are having major issues or anyone is being physically or mentally hurt by your problems, don't be afraid to ask for professional help. That being said this book is a very helpful accompaniment to group or individual therapy. It does expand your mind and offer real world examples that you may be easily able to relate to. I still go back and re read a lot of the entries and find them helpful and relaxing. This book is definitely worth the read if you struggle with a temper.

Another wonderful, insightful and helpful book from Dr. Les Carter. His books and YouTube videos have had a tremendous impact on me and helped my husband and I to pinpoint, discuss and work on reconciling/resolving some issues that have been constantly bubbling to the surface for decades. At last, we realize how to recognize that the way we deal with anger is as much our problem as what caused the anger. We’ve also recognized that anger has many forms and the inward boil and passive aggressive behaviors of one need to be owned and dealt with as much as the outward explosions of the other. Let’s say that it’s easy to sit back and judge the screamer as “angry” without recognizing ones own issues with anger. This book lays it out in a clear, understandable and relatable way and gave us the tools to facilitate change. Best of all was that we were able to see our faults and move forward in a positive way. It takes work, as old habits are hard to break, but we now have hope along with our resolve and are communicating with active listening much better. Clearly a game changer.

I’m really not a review writer person. The only reason I’m writing this review is, my genuine belief in this book that it can fundamentally help some people improving their lives. I am not saying that this book is a magical cure to anything; but hey, self-improv books are just tools to help us to understand ourselves better, right? I believe that this one is a very good one. I wish I would stumble upon this book 20 years ago. I wish someone would have forced me to read this book before I get married to the nicest person that I’ve ever known, —who I made her suffer hundreds of times by my anger trap... I lost the number of times that I felt embarrassed because of the accuracy of the Author’s definitions of ‘angry people’ —which I related, a lot! There are painful details in this book that will definitely make ‘angry people’ feel (initially) uncomfortable. After a while, you’ll feel relief because you’ll be able to diagnose yourself and learn more about your issue. Anyways, highly recommended! Read this book. (PS: I am a Muslim and the author is clearly a Christian. There are occasional references to religious perspectives. Guess what, if I didn’t know the Author was Christian, I could have thought this book was written by a Muslim :) I’m glad to see that there are A LOT of similarities between two very different doctrines when it comes to words of wisdom.)

Getting to the bottom of your anger issues is possible with this book's information. Presented in a straight-forward, readable manner, the book's contents move the reader from understanding that anger is a natural human emotion and one that is acceptable to have and express to an understanding of how we can change our anger "habits." Many of us "anger junkies" were never taught HOW to manage our anger, nor were we told that anger is an acceptable feeling, so we tend to express it in all the wrong ways--by either turning on ourselves, our loved-ones, or others. Most often we express anger in the ways it was expressed or levied upon us at vulnerable times of our development when we didn't have a choice but to endure. The author presents scenarios from his own practice (with names changed) to help the reader to comprehend how he has helped others and the ways we manage anger is a choice. He also emphasizes that old patterns of anger-related behavior that are destructive to self, family, and friends, can indeed be changed with practice once the desire to change is present. Know that changing behavior and attitudes is a constant choice and a process that will take some time and concentrated effort. Surprising to me was the section concerning how I must just "let go" of some anger knowing that it is destructive largely to me if I don't and secondarily to my family, friends, and co-workers. This "offended" my personal sense of justice at first, but rereading this section helped me to see letting go is possible and gives me a new sense of healthy "control." According to Dr. Carter, "By accepting the freedom to manage emotions...angry people can recognize that 'If I"m going to have stability, it's my decision and no one else's.' That is when anger has less and less a grip on their lives" (70). Best wishes to all who read Dr. Carter's book. It has certainly helped me to understand where my anger came from (a highly-dysfunctional home with two addicted parents whom I parented and made excuses for many years as a child) and that I can take the control I've levied on others and use it to manage my emotions in more healthy ways.

The book content itself is informative. Much information one already knows. From a therapist's point of view, much more could have been touched on in regards to effective ways to evaluate why we let ourselves become angry. There are ALWAYS underlying causes and many times our current anger or outburst of anger is not due to what is right in front of us at that moment but unresolved issues from our past. That was not expounded on in the book. It is a book for those individuals who have not really researched or read about anger. A good beginner's book on anger. It is easy to read. I wished I had a clue that there would be so much highligting and underlining in the book or I would not have purchased that particular one. Sender was not honest about how much he/she wrote in the book.

怒りはただ抑えればいいというものではなく、まずは理解するものだというところから入る。僕にとって、怒りを感じるというのは間違えではないという概念は初めてだった。怒りの原因を考えたり、そのメッセージをちゃんと伝えるのが大事だ。たとえば、傷ついたら、ただ叫んだり冷たい態度になったりすると、傷ついたというメッセージが相手に伝えてこない。相手が怒られていることしか分からない。 それから、怒りのベースには恐怖など、この本はいろいろ丁寧に説明してくれる。 とにかく、うつ病で悩む人、いつも怒っている人、人間関係が難しいと思う人、大事な人との関係が苦しくなっている人、まずこの本を読むべきだと思う。いろいろなことに目を開かせる一冊です！ 日本語版がほしい。

Este libro está lleno de ejemplos y reflexiones para el manejo de la ira. De los mejores libros de autoayuda que he leído.

Good

This is the most in-depth book on the causes and roots of anger. I have dozens of books on anger management, but they all focus on treating the symptoms rather than the root causes. Thanks to this book, I am now a completely new person, someone who has chosen to release anger. For someone who has spent a lifetime feeling angry and bitter, this is quite an achievement. I highly recommend this book. It is my top favourite.

This book is very valuable. It was the key to my husband starting to improve his constant bad moods, anger, and start to be more aware and self-reflective.