I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One (A Compassionate Grief Recovery Book)

I downloaded an e-book to read it first before giving the paperback books to two friends (one lost a husband and the other lost her sister and brother-in-law) who had experienced sudden deaths recently. I especially liked that it covered a number of different losses relating to losses of friends, parents, children, partners, siblings, fallen heroes, suicide, multiple deaths and other unique challenges. It also provides a list of other resources and support for those that are grieving. Of particular interest in the book are suggestions for coping and learning to get through day to day life and difficult meaningful days such as birthdays, special anniversaries, weddings, holidays, etc. I lost a good friend of many years suddenly in 2012 and had I known about the book at that time, I believe it would have been extremely beneficial in helping me cope with her loss. But even in reading the book one and a half years later, I felt it was beneficial to me. As a Hospice volunteer I occasionally add various grief books to my library. Although those patients and families connected with Hospice hopefully are able to prepare for death (to some degree), this book would be good just for the resources, support and coping methods listed. This is definitely a book I have added to my library for future reference. I don't know if it would be as helpful getting it right after the death occurs or as a gift a few weeks after everyone has gone back to their normal lives and the person(s) experiencing the death is left to fend on their own.

Everyone will benefit from reading this! Our society doesn’t discuss grief and we tend to ignore it but we all will lose something or someone we love. This book applies to grief in general and not just sudden loss of something. Highly recommended! And it’s a super easy read.

I like the fact that this book is divided into sections such as "Death of a Spouse", "Death of a Child", "Death of a Sibling", etc. Every type of loss is entirely unique and the authors acknowledge that. I ordered this book after I lost my husband so I primarily read the chapter about the loss of a spouse. They talk about how grieving is unique to each individual and so there is no set timeline you have to follow. They give suggestions for how to remember your loved one on anniversary dates. This book is really helpful if you have recently lost a loved one. I highly recommend it.

Just ok.

This book is so well written and helpful. It helped me and will help others to understand grieving the sudden death of a loved one. My son, 30 died recently. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. We went to the hospital to get treatment. He died from the blood thinners he was given. They forced me to leave him. He had special needs. Essential Tremors, Auditory processing delay, anxiety. He wanted to come with me, but was sedated and catheterized. I had promised him I would not abandon him, but I was forced to leave him. After I left he started hemorrhaging internally. The doctor told me he was on a ventilator/ blood dialysis machine. He was wearing his Medic Alert necklace, Autism Speaks wristband. In this case, Autism couldn't speak. I got permission to come back. The nurse had her arms crossed , very rudely asking me "what are you doing here?" I told her I got permission. I had a name tag on. She called security and was walked out. The last thing I said to my son when he was conscious, as I was forced to leave was: "stay strong, stay brave. God is with you, your angels, your families love is with you. I love you and I will be back as soon as I can. He nodded. I stayed at a near by hotel. My older son & I went to disconnect him. Dr said they did everything they could. We called family, friends to say their last words to him. Just as his identical twin brother called (who has same disabilities) and said, "I love you Michael". My son took his last 2 breaths in my arms. I cry every day and night. Each day & night is a challenge to get through. I highly recommend this book.

I was not sure what was hidden inthe pages of this book. I knew I needed some material because of the storm that I am in. I am thankful that I was led to purchase this resource. Through this read, I have received instruction, encouragement, valuable do's and don'ts when sudden death occurs and so much more. I will purchase more copies for family members who may not know what to do as well as for those who may not be connected with outside counseling. This book will provide solid detailed information that will benefit all who read it.

I'm in my twenties, and both my parents passed away unexpectedly. Along with a ton of other support, this book has helped me a great deal. I bought it hoping it would quicken my progress of "moving on" from my overwhelming grief. It hasn't helped me "move on" more quickly, it has shown me that my thoughts and emotions are understandable, justified, and common among people that experience all types of unexpected losses. This book puts to rest questions like, 'Is what I'm feeling normal?'; or 'Is how I'm feeling normal?' What this book revealed to me was how much energy I was using by focusing on my inability to 'recover'. That fear of not being able to "get over it". My self-perceived lack of recovery frightened me from exploring and internalizing the details of the tragedy. The concept of a time-frame for "moving on", the book shows, is unhelpful and unhealthy. There's grief, memories, even searing confusion, but all are a piece to the process. The grief I carry with me, I know it must be directly proportional to my parent's love. Instead of running away from those emotions, I now carry them with me. The memories, even the difficult ones, they belong to me. They are defining moments that help me travel this journey. I felt really lost and disconnected for a while, and this book has been a profound and important part of finding myself again.

Though my mother was sick for many years, her death completely through me off my center of gravity. I'd always (for reasons unknown) suppressed grief in the past so I found myself lost and dumbfounded without a clue as to how I was going to live in the days that followed without the person who'd been there every single day of my life. I am quite spiritual, though not at all religious; this book made no attempt to shove my nose into a bible and tell me to simply "have faith". It somehow gave me permission to grieve, to be angry, and eventually to heal - all on MY terms, rather than those of sometimes insensitive well-wishers. It also gave me the tools to recognize each stage of grief as it happened so I could deal with myself, so to speak. I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye breaks down the different kinds of grief and offers ways to cope with each in an easy-to-read format. I have re-read it a few times and each time, it provides me incredible solace. My only regret is not having read this book immediately following my mother's passing. Doing so would certainly have enabled me to not struggle so much with the overwhelming sadness, anger, and pain. If you've lost someone you love and even if you're close to someone who did, this is THE book that will help you get through the tough times ahead.

It was a good read but not what I had expected

This book has really helped. My husband passed away suddenly and even though I have lost parents in the past a sudden death is a totally different kind of bereavement. The two people who have written the book have been through a loss and you get their experiences and ways to get though the early days. If you are looking for a book to act as a satnav when sudden loss blows up your life this book is for you. It is helpful because it lets you know that the feelings you have, they have had, you aren't going mad, its par for the course. Helpful section on what you need to do if you have never faced a loss before and need to know who you have to notify and when. Helpful section to copy out for friends and neighbours who may/may not like to disturb you. So you can let people know what you need and don't want. eg: Bring food and don't ask how I'm feeling etc. There is advice on organisations that could help you and options for herbal and Bach remedies if you don't want to get stuck on prescription medications. This book is like a good companion, that comes and sits with you in your darkest days, lets you cry, gives you tips on things that help and is just THERE when no one else is. There is enough from the authors about their experiences for you to associate with and can recognise what may be happening to you, without been too much and making you feel worse. I also recommend the book: Grieving Mindfully: A Compassionate And Spiritual Guide To Coping With Loss which has lots of practical ways of getting through the pain and easing it where possible. It helps you look at things in a different way, which really helps. These two books have taught me its not something you can get over, around or avoid, you have to get through it, but you don't have to do it alone, take these two books with you on your journey through grief, they are very good companions. This book is also helpful as it covers not just the loss of immediate partners but also other relationships too, the loss of a child, parent, sibling, close relative and also those lost to suicide or violent death. So it is a good companion for a wide range of situations. If you are needing this book, I am sorry for your loss and hope this book helps you as it is helping me. May you find peace again one day, until you do, take one day at a time, or 10 minutes at a time, listen to your body and REST you need it. This book is also useful for those helping another through a sudden bereavement.

Best book I’ve ever read on sudden unexpected loss. Highly recommend! This book helped me to realize what I was feeling was normal. I bought this book for a gift for someone in hopes it would help her like it helped me.

this book was for a friend who was struggling to cope with recent loss.Obviously I read some of the book before I passed it on(I too have suffered a loss)I. only wish I had had this book to hand when I was having such a sad time.Very informative and covers all different aspects of how to cope.Also coves grief in different circumstances-for example -loss of child.mother.father,brother sister ect.I would certainly recommend this to people who are struggling with a loss.

There are parts of this book that can help anyone that is grieving. If you take the bits that are relevant to you and keep the rest in your mind for perspective it will really help you through a difficult time.