Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew: Updated and Expanded Edition

A great resource for a parent wading into the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) world. The books touches on basics that we unwillingly omit, and puts you into the perspective of a child with ASD. It breaks down misconceptions and stereotypes of what it means to live with autism, and everything that entails for the parents and families involved, but even more importantly the child living with it. The book revolves heavily on the authors own experience with her son, and what she and her family have done, who they’ve talked to, and what they’ve learned to convey the main points of the book. Although it does rely on studies when it needs to, the book is more of a showcase of the love and the care that they took to provide their son the best opportunities for him, and the fight that went along those opportunities. The book is broken down into 10 concepts: 1. I am a whole child 2. My senses are out of sync 3. Distinguish between won’t and can’t 4. I am a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally 5. Listen to all the ways I’m trying to communicate 6. Picture this! I am visually oriented 7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do 8. Help me with social interactions 9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns 10. Love me unconditionally It then goes onto give an update on how her son has normalize most of the aspects on his life, as well as all of their support and love supporting his own path as he figures out life, and the in and outs of adulthood. My greatest takeaway from this book, aside from understanding how I should behave and react to my child based on a new perspective knowing what I know now, is this; Your view and your outlook for your child will determine how your child blossoms. To quote the author: As Marcus Aurelius observed “Your life is what your thoughts make of it”. For the child with autism, we must extend that: “your child’s life is what your thoughts make of it. More than any treatment, diet, or therapy, the perspectives from which we view a child’s autism have the greatest impact on whether he will learn to grow, thrive, and be a happy person. I will definitively be recommending this book to whomever has a child living with autism in their life. The most powerful line from the book: “Autism is a tragedy for families only if they allow it to be. The greatest tragedy that can befall a child with autism is to be surrounded by adults who think it’s a tragedy”

I'm new to the Autism world. My nephew is almost 2 years old, has PDD and SPD. He went from being a kid that tantrummed every 2 minutes, non verbal, to a kid who has ABA 3 times a day, and a sensory gym 3 times a week for OT, PT and ST. He's starting to say a couple of words. His tantrums have gone down considerably. We can almost make it 45 minutes through Mass without him screaming bloody murder. What does this have to do with the book??? From my experience, this book as brought me so much understanding OF WHAT MY NEPHEW IS GOING THROUGH ON A DAILY BASIS. I've read so much about why he might or might not have autism, I've read that he has a sensory disorder and we have all the sensory toys to help him...but it was not until this book, which I finished in one evening, that I ever FELT how he must feel on a daily basis. I see a lot a of reviews for people who think this book can't help if your child is non verbal. I can't comment on something I don't know. But from where I'm coming from, this book has opened my eyes to the ways I should and shouldn't speak, act and shouldn't act, around a litle boy that is seeing the world in an entirely different way frome me. No, I don't have to do those things, but I'm his aunt, and I want to bond with him however I can. And that's the main point of the book. We can change. We are adults. We think neurotypically. Someone with a different perception cannot just conform to the way I think. Even if he tries hard, or wants to...he can't. So it's up to ME to change. I can't wait to share this with the rest of the family. My heartbroken mother who thinks his dreams are shattered, my stressed out sister trying to hold together her last slice of sanity, my aunt who is not sure autism is not just an excuse for bad behavior. I think this book speaks in a very plain, understanding way from a woman who worked VERY HARD not to FIX her son to be what she wanted him to be, but to enter his world and engage him, so that he could then seek her world out as well. And she's sharing how she did that. This book is not a how to book with the secret ingredient to make a child verbal or filled with emotion. Her point is that even if your child never speaks, or never hugs you back, he or she deserves your unconditional love, and she gives you the support and pep talk you need to be that person your child needs.

I feel this is an excellent primer for those new to autism, especially those who are still struggling to understand if the behavior they see is identifiable. Our 5-year old son has recently been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, and I bought this book not only for myself, but for his grandparents. His grandmother read the book before coming to stay with my husband for a week while I was out of town, and it helped her immensely. It helps to give you a sense of empathy rather than just frustration when your child acts they way they do; consequently changing how you react to it (I'm much better able to be patient now that I understand that he is struggling to work his way through situations just as hard as I am). While I learned a significant amount of important basics, just as important is that I walked away with a sense of hope, which was incredibly healing for me as I emotionally wrestled with my feelings after the diagnosis. The author shares her experience with her own son, the highs and the lows; and later editions have epilogues in the back with updates on her child who is now a functional, happy, independent adult. While this does not mean that every child will turn out as well-adjusted, at least you feel as though it might actually be possible, instead of being consumed with nightmare scenarios of them as an adult. Another important component in the book is her careful analysis of the language we use to describe people with autism and how much damage it can (and does) do - not only to the psyche of the adult, but also the child, and the world at large (this is such a stigmatized condition, which was part of my struggle when I heard the news - I thought I knew what autism was. I did not). Phrases such as "suffer from autism" for example, are unhelpful and give the wrong impression about a child's daily existence. As another reviewer (who has autism) touches on, even high profile, helpful advocate organizations such as Autism Speaks infer that there is something "lesser-than" about those with autism, by referring to "finding the missing piece of the puzzle" (which is also illustrated in their logo). From this book I realized my son is not missing any pieces, he is just a more complicated puzzle to fit together (and all children are puzzles in their own way, really). While it is true, as several other reviewers have mentioned, there are not many specific strategies other than making you aware of what's going on in an autistic child's brain and how they perceive the world, I don't think this book is meant for that. It is a personalized viewpoint from a mother who has worked her way through this with her own child, and the things she learned that can apply to your child (and you) as well. *Specific* strategies come from therapy, as every child is different, and will need slightly different guidance and help. There's no "one-size-fits-all" remedy (although if you are looking for some basic strategies as well as ideas for how to help your child on an on-going, daily basis, I am finding "1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Asperger's and Autism" to be helpful). This book literally changed my way of thinking about the future and about my son, and as a mom staring down a new, uncertain, long and winding road, I am very, very grateful.

I am only 32 pages in and was feeling pretty good about the book until I reached a couple of pages (The "I Am a Whole Child" chapter) where the writer spends a little time going over other people's perceptions of autism and how labeling the child is seldomly​ beneficial to the child and how the label of autism gives preconceived notions that can often be too high or too low. Now, I will continue to read the book and I imagine that I will in fact love it (as I had up until this point), but I fear the author is putting unnecessary added worries in the minds of parents/ loved ones. Personally, I do not want to concern myself with other (emphasis on the word "other") people's thoughts, ideas, opinions, notions, etc. My concern is that of my child, how he feels about himself, and teaching him to not be concerned with the opinions of others regarding autism. If they wanna think something, that's okay, not our problem. Autism is okay. The label is okay with me. It doesn't define my child, but it is necessary and helps in understanding him better. Like the author says, autism is a different ability, not a disability. I'll update this review once I've finished the book. My son is 5yrs old and on the spectrum. Update: I am about halfway through the book. Despite the bump in the road already mentioned, I am very grateful to have found this book. The "My senses are out of sync" chapter is 8 pages long (each page front and back, so 16 pages if we're getting technical). This chapter alone makes this book worth it for me. I've had multiple therapists, both occupational and speech therapists, touch on the subject of senses and none of them explained it as well as this book did for me. She breaks it down and helped me pinpoint my son's specific senses that are in need of "input"/ help. I am a "why" learner and understanding why my son does certain things and is unable to do others (because specific senses are out of sync) is profound.

I have read allot about spectrum disorders (PDD-NOS) and most are just depressing that there is "something wrong with your child" and all the nay saying it can scare the heck out of you. I can not speak for everyone on the spectrum, but my kid is fabulous and I wouldn't change a thing about him. I thought they were writing about my son in some of the sections and she does it with a sense of humor that is wonderful and needed. As you read about the "backwards hugs" and other things that are common with autism it is heart warming to know you are not alone. I recommended this book to his teachers because as a parent I found it insightful. Grandma read the book in one day; she could not put it down. It is a useful tool for people dealing with special children like ours and this book hits the nail on the head without all the depressing dribble. Sometimes I just read the highlighted areas that I marked to know I am not alone and to make me smile.

Our son was verbal and therefor was not diagnosed until he was nine. As soon as we were told about the unique logic mapping our son used (we NEVER say our son is disabled...He's just wired differently and therefor thinks and acts differently) I began doing research to learn everything I could. I didn't find get my hands on this book until about two years after the diagnosis and a lot of frustration. I stumbled upon this book during a road trip and was done before we stopped again for gas (yes, it's that short.) I have bought roughly 30 copies in the 6 years since then. They were given (never just lent) to friends and family so they could have enlightenment regarding their own children or regarding my son. I remarried two years ago without meeting ANY of his family before hand. The kids and I met the WHOLE family three months (and 500 miles) later at a family reunion! Knowing this was going to happen we gave each nuclear family on my husband's side a copy of this book BEFORE we came to visit. I can't express how amazing it was to have a stress-inducing (meet the in-laws) trip without a single meltdown. And I got to meet and visit instead of repeatedly explaining my son's quirks and triggers (or worse, have to leave because he is so stressed that he starts his injury-inducing ticks.) We are no longer frustrated or submerged in the black hole of daily, if not hourly, meltdowns. The companion book (written for teachers) has been a gift for each teacher our son has had in the past six years. These two books can easily be described as a pocket-sized miracle. If you have a student or loved one that's on the spectrum you are doing yourself and your quirky companion a huge disservice if you don't spend the $10 for this book. It is a wonderful window to see the simple, logical manner in which our quirky loved thinks. That tiny glimmer of light explodes exponentially when you realize that these ten points will address most, if not every, situation you and your loved one could face. That's the disco ball at the end of the black hole.

AWESOME insight! Give a copy to anyone that has a child on the Autism Spectrum, as well as to anyone that has to work with your child on the Autism Spectrum. This book will help them better understand what your child can't directly communicate and help break down some of the misinterpreted behaviors that people label as "defiant". Wish I had handed every teacher, school administrator, and camp counselor a copy (if only they would have read this book, my child could have had a very different/real childhood instead of being labeled one negative adjective after another). Sadly, in high school NONE of his teachers nor school administrators really understood them and they ended up just pushing him out of school ... without an appropriate education, nor a way to achieve a high school diploma. Schools, teachers, and camp counselors need to be better informed about kids on the Autism Spectrum. My child suffered through 14 years of school at 20 different schools in 2 states (constantly being shuffled and thrown out of schools because no one could figure out how to work WITH HIM) ... only not to graduate. The toll his education has taken on his self-esteem (and my sanity) is INSANE and dehumanizing! To think this book could have helped all these "educated professionals" find a path to working with him (or at least better understanding him and stop misreading him and adding their negative labels to his atypical reactions to their demands) ... he might have been able to have 1 successful year somewhere if everyone that had to work with him had taken the time to read this book. I sincerely hope school systems adopt this book as a Teacher-Reading REQUIREMENT for any Teacher that has to interact with kids on the Autism Spectrum. The first 10 pages should be laminated and posted in EVERY SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR'S OFFICE too! Principals and Vice-Principals need to be able to recognize these challenges when they encounter kids being constantly thrown out of class daily. Sometimes it's not the kids at fault - but the Teachers who fail to recognize a child's social/emotional challenges and limitations. How my son was treated at some schools should be a crime. All my son ended up learning was that he didn't fit in at school - EVER ... and nobody understood him or liked him. I have no doubt this book could have helped break down a lot of misconceptions.

I am using this book for both personal and professional reasons. If you are a parent of an autistic child many of these things you have discovered already. That being said, if you have just received a diagnosis or are not familiar with autism this is a great book to read. It is written in Plain English . The book is organized so that one gets a brief overview of the ten things and then the chapters that follow are more in depth. I like this because it makes for easy reference. I also like the fact that it points out that no one should stereotype anyone. My sons autism is not who he is just one aspect of him. I introduce him as my son NOT my autistic son. This is a great text for educating your family members as well as those outsiders that are ignorant . I actually had an ignorant man ask me what is he? I replied a human being with special super powers.

I have ordered 8 copies of this book, I run an Autism support group for parents who have children with ASD, I highly recommend this book for parents, teachers, and anyone interested in learning about ASD, the book is immediate and user friendly, simple to absorb and understand what the content literatures attempting to relay. You wont be disappointed I intend to order more copies great for "parents receiving ASD diagnosis" give great insight into ASD and more importantly "focuses on understanding ASD from the child's perspective" If I could give this book a rating I would rate 100 STARS!

Worth a read

..... living with someone on the autistic spectrum. I have read a number of books that purport to help understand the breadth of challenges facing the families of those living with an autistic child. All were helpful, some more than others, with the only deficiencies being perhaps a too narrow focus on the authors personal experience. An understandable approach, given that the majority of those challenged by Autism present different behaviour and symptoms reflecting their position on the spectrum. There does seem to be however a number of consistent core truths and behaviours that are vitally important to understand and come to grips with. Ellen Notbohm manages to capture most of these and presents in a clear and concise manner a road map, if you will, explaining these key elements and offering a well thought out response that I hope you will find, as I did, enormously helpful. You cannot take the square peg representing an autistic child's needs and fit it into the round hole that is our expectations of how to parent a child. The parenting skills we learned from our families, our teachers, our therapists, may be roughly useful to help you cope with the majority of children but there are those who are tuned to a different frequency. They need extra love, extra understanding and a standard Dr. Spock approach may not fit. We need to learn to tune in to the right channel. Ten Things can help you. I highly recommend it.

Very very good book for parents of autism family.

Easy to understand and neatly organized. Valuable perspectives from actual experiences help provide very informative, encouraging yet realistic thoughts about autism in a child.