--- product_id: 189696224 title: "Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots" price: "R187" currency: ZAR in_stock: false reviews_count: 13 url: https://www.desertcart.co.za/products/189696224-unorthodox-the-scandalous-rejection-of-my-hasidic-roots store_origin: ZA region: South Africa --- # Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots **Price:** R187 **Availability:** ❌ Out of Stock ## Quick Answers - **What is this?** Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots - **How much does it cost?** R187 with free shipping - **Is it available?** Currently out of stock - **Where can I buy it?** [www.desertcart.co.za](https://www.desertcart.co.za/products/189696224-unorthodox-the-scandalous-rejection-of-my-hasidic-roots) ## Best For - Customers looking for quality international products ## Why This Product - Free international shipping included - Worldwide delivery with tracking - 15-day hassle-free returns ## Description Now a Netflix original series! Unorthodox is the bestselling memoir of a young Jewish woman’s escape from a religious sect, in the tradition of Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s Infidel and Carolyn Jessop’s Escape , featuring a new epilogue by the author. As a member of the strictly religious Satmar sect of Hasidic Judaism, Deborah Feldman grew up under a code of relentlessly enforced customs governing everything from what she could wear and to whom she could speak to what she was allowed to read. Yet in spite of her repressive upbringing, Deborah grew into an independent-minded young woman whose stolen moments reading about the empowered literary characters of Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott helped her to imagine an alternative way of life among the skyscrapers of Manhattan. Trapped as a teenager in a sexually and emotionally dysfunctional marriage to a man she barely knew, the tension between Deborah’s desires and her responsibilities as a good Satmar girl grew more explosive until she gave birth at nineteen and realized that, regardless of the obstacles, she would have to forge a path—for herself and her son—to happiness and freedom. Remarkable and fascinating, this “sensitive and memorable coming-of-age story” ( Pittsburgh Post-Gazette ) is one you won’t be able to put down. Review: An ex-nun comments on an leaving an Hasidic community - This is a very intriguing book because it gives an insight into growing up in the Orthodox Jewish Hasidic community of Satmar. Although I was familiar with other Hasidic sects, the Satmar were new to me. She explains it mostly through the eyes of a child so I had to do a bit of on-line research to learn more about them. The biggest surprise is their complete opposition to Israel - they believe they must wait for the coming of the Messiah to return to their homeland - but much of the daily life seems similar (to me) to other Hasidic communities. From childhood, she longed for more in both learning and reading. She had to sneak to read English language books as they were forbidden but her hunger drove her to take the risk and she became fluent in English. This would help her professionally but also cause her to keep questioning what she saw around her. (Perhaps her elders were right - English leads to trouble, particularly for women!) I know there will be criticism from some in the Jewish community who consider Ms. Feldman an apostate for leaving Orthodoxy, but leaving aside those ideological issues, there is a lot to learn from this book. I think she is careful to write very kindly of her grandparents (who raised her) even though her leaving must have been a great blow to them (she does not write about that) but she is frankly critical of the rigid rules and some of the hypocrisy she saw. I admire her honesty. And in her defense, this kind of expose could be written about many other closed groups - Amish, Morman, Christian fundamentalist, Muslims, Catholic monasteries, etc. In such an insular environment anyone who rebels against the group must appear to be a traitor to those who remain. It takes great courage to break out of such an intensely closed group and it often means being completely cutoff from family and friends. I hope in her case she will eventually get some closure with her family members but sometimes that doesn't happen. But whatever happens I hope she finds the peace and happiness she is searching for - experience says that the adjustment to her new life will take a long time but I think in the end she made the right choice because she would always feel enslaved had she stayed. No matter how good the community was, it was not the right life for her. Good luck to her. And a personal note: I have some experience with such things. When I was much younger I was a cloistered Catholic nun for 10 years and the culture shock of leaving that life was immense. I think only someone who has been through that can truly appreciate it. And to Deborah Feldman I say: Hang in there - it is definitely worth it. Review: Raw, unfiltered and powerful, but lacks insight and maturity - The writer prepares a memoir with a distinct and personal voice. It improved my understanding of a religious community whose culture and traditions are not easily accessible to the average American. We learn about marriage customs, religious life, clothing, holidays, relations with Israel, the role of male and females, scholars and merchants, educational approaches, and the personality of Satmar neighborhoods and communities etc. from one individual's perspective. The spare chronological structure and content of the narrative is raw, unfiltered and powerful, but lacks insight and maturity. Abandoned by her parents, the author was raised by elderly grandparents who while loving set up a double bind of traditional expectations and neglect. Zeidy her grandfather showed love with the spiritual upkeep of his grand-daughter's soul; and Bubby, her grandmother, showed care by preparing abundant food and daily upkeep. But the feeling of pride "nachas" of raising a child, the commitment to protect and to shape them into devout servants of the "Hashem," seemed a distant bell to Zeidy and Bubby (and the rest of the extended family of aunts and uncles). The writer seems to have had little supervision and sporadic guidance through most of her life. She describes sneaking off to bookstores to learn more about Jewish religious, social and cultural life, and dramatic playacting and minor rebellions during school hours against strict social mores. She became an avid reader of forbidden literature hiding books in her room and subsequently developed a sense of self from the study of characters like Anne in Green Gables, Jo in Little Women, and a sense of love and marriage from Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice - rather than from her family. And then, primarily when social norms of the Satmar community demanded such attention, such as when the writer became of marriageable age, the aunt and grandparents take up their responsibilities full-on with ill effects to all. When the writer struggles with adult responsibilities of marriage, sex, childbirth, male/female communication, and most significantly to this story to be good Jew, the situation is ripe for failure and rejection. She does not go to her grandparents of extended family for guidance with problems. Why would she? By the end of the book, she flees with her son from them and the community. I found this very sad when you remember the statement attributed to Zeidy in the book about his survival in WWII Europe, "So many times, I wondered why I was allowed to live,".... But with time it became clear to me that all of my children and grandchildren had to be born and it is my responsibility to make sure they grew up to be a good Jew, "erliche Yidden" ...to give meaning to my survival. I can't possibly imagine wasting this precious gift I was given not when so many others were deprived of it?" The end of the book left me feeling that the writer may with age and experience come to have a more balanced perspective on her life as a Satmar Jew. I read many of the posts and reviews for this book. I am a non-Jew, but I am thoughtful reader. I understand completely this book is neither a scholarly nor particularly thoughtful examination of the Satmar community in terms of its origin, roots in Europe, post-Holocaust evolution, social and religious traditions or modern American identity. I feel disappointed that you believe the gentile reader would not have sufficient perspective to appreciate that this book is a single memoir that is not reflective of the richness of an entire culture. ## Technical Specifications | Specification | Value | |---------------|-------| | Best Sellers Rank | #66,219 in Kindle Store ( See Top 100 in Kindle Store ) #3 in Biographies of Judaism #16 in Jewish Biographies & Memoirs #35 in Jewish Biographies | ## Images ![Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots - Image 1](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71aiOH2hxfL.jpg) ## Available Options This product comes in different **Media Language, Media Format** options. ## Customer Reviews ### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ An ex-nun comments on an leaving an Hasidic community *by P***A on March 6, 2012* This is a very intriguing book because it gives an insight into growing up in the Orthodox Jewish Hasidic community of Satmar. Although I was familiar with other Hasidic sects, the Satmar were new to me. She explains it mostly through the eyes of a child so I had to do a bit of on-line research to learn more about them. The biggest surprise is their complete opposition to Israel - they believe they must wait for the coming of the Messiah to return to their homeland - but much of the daily life seems similar (to me) to other Hasidic communities. From childhood, she longed for more in both learning and reading. She had to sneak to read English language books as they were forbidden but her hunger drove her to take the risk and she became fluent in English. This would help her professionally but also cause her to keep questioning what she saw around her. (Perhaps her elders were right - English leads to trouble, particularly for women!) I know there will be criticism from some in the Jewish community who consider Ms. Feldman an apostate for leaving Orthodoxy, but leaving aside those ideological issues, there is a lot to learn from this book. I think she is careful to write very kindly of her grandparents (who raised her) even though her leaving must have been a great blow to them (she does not write about that) but she is frankly critical of the rigid rules and some of the hypocrisy she saw. I admire her honesty. And in her defense, this kind of expose could be written about many other closed groups - Amish, Morman, Christian fundamentalist, Muslims, Catholic monasteries, etc. In such an insular environment anyone who rebels against the group must appear to be a traitor to those who remain. It takes great courage to break out of such an intensely closed group and it often means being completely cutoff from family and friends. I hope in her case she will eventually get some closure with her family members but sometimes that doesn't happen. But whatever happens I hope she finds the peace and happiness she is searching for - experience says that the adjustment to her new life will take a long time but I think in the end she made the right choice because she would always feel enslaved had she stayed. No matter how good the community was, it was not the right life for her. Good luck to her. And a personal note: I have some experience with such things. When I was much younger I was a cloistered Catholic nun for 10 years and the culture shock of leaving that life was immense. I think only someone who has been through that can truly appreciate it. And to Deborah Feldman I say: Hang in there - it is definitely worth it. ### ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Raw, unfiltered and powerful, but lacks insight and maturity *by L***R on February 21, 2012* The writer prepares a memoir with a distinct and personal voice. It improved my understanding of a religious community whose culture and traditions are not easily accessible to the average American. We learn about marriage customs, religious life, clothing, holidays, relations with Israel, the role of male and females, scholars and merchants, educational approaches, and the personality of Satmar neighborhoods and communities etc. from one individual's perspective. The spare chronological structure and content of the narrative is raw, unfiltered and powerful, but lacks insight and maturity. Abandoned by her parents, the author was raised by elderly grandparents who while loving set up a double bind of traditional expectations and neglect. Zeidy her grandfather showed love with the spiritual upkeep of his grand-daughter's soul; and Bubby, her grandmother, showed care by preparing abundant food and daily upkeep. But the feeling of pride "nachas" of raising a child, the commitment to protect and to shape them into devout servants of the "Hashem," seemed a distant bell to Zeidy and Bubby (and the rest of the extended family of aunts and uncles). The writer seems to have had little supervision and sporadic guidance through most of her life. She describes sneaking off to bookstores to learn more about Jewish religious, social and cultural life, and dramatic playacting and minor rebellions during school hours against strict social mores. She became an avid reader of forbidden literature hiding books in her room and subsequently developed a sense of self from the study of characters like Anne in Green Gables, Jo in Little Women, and a sense of love and marriage from Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice - rather than from her family. And then, primarily when social norms of the Satmar community demanded such attention, such as when the writer became of marriageable age, the aunt and grandparents take up their responsibilities full-on with ill effects to all. When the writer struggles with adult responsibilities of marriage, sex, childbirth, male/female communication, and most significantly to this story to be good Jew, the situation is ripe for failure and rejection. She does not go to her grandparents of extended family for guidance with problems. Why would she? By the end of the book, she flees with her son from them and the community. I found this very sad when you remember the statement attributed to Zeidy in the book about his survival in WWII Europe, "So many times, I wondered why I was allowed to live,".... But with time it became clear to me that all of my children and grandchildren had to be born and it is my responsibility to make sure they grew up to be a good Jew, "erliche Yidden" ...to give meaning to my survival. I can't possibly imagine wasting this precious gift I was given not when so many others were deprived of it?" The end of the book left me feeling that the writer may with age and experience come to have a more balanced perspective on her life as a Satmar Jew. I read many of the posts and reviews for this book. I am a non-Jew, but I am thoughtful reader. I understand completely this book is neither a scholarly nor particularly thoughtful examination of the Satmar community in terms of its origin, roots in Europe, post-Holocaust evolution, social and religious traditions or modern American identity. I feel disappointed that you believe the gentile reader would not have sufficient perspective to appreciate that this book is a single memoir that is not reflective of the richness of an entire culture. ### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Where Being Female Is Abhorred *by F***R on March 11, 2013* Memories of an abandoned girl raised in a male dominated cult uneasily residing in a rejected society = ingredients for an identity crisis. This is a memoir of the dark side of Fiddler on the Roof although it doesn't take place in a shtetl (village) in Russia a century ago with a husband & wife worrying re: getting their daughters married off. Deborah Feldman's memories are set among one particular sect of Hassidic Jewry in America in one neighborhood of New York City & is drama at its purest, saddest & most insidious: entrapment, neglect & brainwashing in the guise of religiosity. Be warned: not for faint of heart. Because this community of religious adherents live bound by their long-deceased rabbi's interpretations of their Holy Book & the world around them taboos are myriad: no music or laughter, no grandmotherly hugs nor words of love. While males are exhorted to immerse themselves in the study of Torah, females must exist on superstitions & rabbinic say-sos, some so silly they take your breath away; dread of contamination from outsiders, sin & satan; guilt = who knew for what!; guile = learning to keep yourself safe, & gossiping like wildfires, life as this youngster knew it was an unpredictable mix of despair of ever getting it right & giddy fervor of personal spiritual experiences, always deflated by some withering comment from her elders... yet every so often not only did she think for herself, she actually attained some profound "Ahha!" moments. Cut off from everything American yet having to navigate along its streets & on its buses & subways, this girl is raised by her father's Yiddish-speaking parents whose many sons & daughters already have kids of their own. She gleans from the women that the odd-looking, unkempt man wandering about talking to himself is her father = therein lies her first shame. She also overhears about how her mother was brought over from England to marry him & left him & her girl baby to go out into the world = therein brews more shame. So she has no other children at home nor any youthful female companions = therein are the seeds of her particular horror story. No one speaks English (a filthy language) of everyday feminine things, except in Yiddish to remind her of how unclean & worthless she & her gender are, even her grandmother: everyone speaks in proverbs & aphorisms all carefully controlled by masculine minds = ergo: a cult, & we all know what happens in those = male family members invade everyone's personal space hunting for sin & filth, girls have no future of their own & are married off early to boys raised like emotionally-arrested messiahs. As far as I was concerned everyone should've been seeing a shrink since 5 years old already! How we love who we love bears little relation to who they "really" are & Deborah's devotion to her other-worldly Zeidy & her beloved Bubby even as she wonders at her paleness, her washed-out-ness, is forgiving & remarkable. Upon reaching puberty she suffers & survives some of the worst our elders (particularly males) can inflict on us = being irredeemably unclean, wrong & evil: "What did I do to deserve this?" Mix into that boys being boys no matter their age, & you've got a recipe for an alarming teenhood, engagement, the physical preparations for her wedding, in-laws & marriage. How can you expect young men to suddenly turn into lovers when all their lives they've been taught to abhor the Body Female? So they do what all pubescent boys do... together. Ergo: the insanity of her wedding night, which presages the years of her marriage until... she finally brings her newborn son home & realizes she's got some decisions to make. Just as her mother had done all those years before... she escapes, goes to college & then writes it out: external & internal: all that was making her ill & dis-eased. Well done, after all the editing & rewriting I sure hope it refreshed her, set her free. I know it brought up a lot of memories I'd stuffed down from my time as the only daughter among brothers living among the English & the American Jews with all those rules that were an eternal obstacle course distracting me from having one single original thought! Now, before you jump all over me for calling religious men women-haters, let me aver that I get why men started protecting their women way back in the Wild Generations when without women men would have had no future. Nowadays, that protection all too often has devolved into rejection, tyranny & entrapment. Unorthodox is a REREADER, & reminds me of Ayaan Hirsi Ali's Infidel : text books to learn how the emotional & mental enslavement & abuse will come out sideways in a woman's body thus fulfilling men's dread prophecies & supports their unfettered abhorrence. Certainly for Reading Groups except it won't get to where it's most needed = among the women of those segregated sects where they're disrespected & stifled by the very men who have an invested interest in keeping them in their place by fear of doing something wrong & those "somethings" start with being born not male... --- ## Why Shop on Desertcart? - 🛒 **Trusted by 1.3+ Million Shoppers** — Serving international shoppers since 2016 - 🌍 **Shop Globally** — Access 737+ million products across 21 categories - 💰 **No Hidden Fees** — All customs, duties, and taxes included in the price - 🔄 **15-Day Free Returns** — Hassle-free returns (30 days for PRO members) - 🔒 **Secure Payments** — Trusted payment options with buyer protection - ⭐ **TrustPilot Rated 4.5/5** — Based on 8,000+ happy customer reviews **Shop now:** [https://www.desertcart.co.za/products/189696224-unorthodox-the-scandalous-rejection-of-my-hasidic-roots](https://www.desertcart.co.za/products/189696224-unorthodox-the-scandalous-rejection-of-my-hasidic-roots) --- *Product available on Desertcart South Africa* *Store origin: ZA* *Last updated: 2026-11-08*